Out of all the emotions, we experience, love is arguably the most complex. Feelings can range from pure ecstasy to maddening torture; one moment we feel hugely content, and the next we feel desperately unsure of everything.
For sure, love is exciting. But it’s also frustrating, and can cause as much pain and anguish, as it does fulfilment and happiness. And if your relationship has gone from a goblet overflowing with love and joy to an empty cup, you will probably know about it.
However, because a relationship is so important to all of us, you need to be sure about this. You need to be sure that what you’re going through right now is not just a temporarily interlude, but is actually a permanent fracture that might be impossible to heal. If you know something has changed for the worse, but are uncertain of what is happening between you and your partner, here are 10 signs your relationship is loveless.
The “I Love You’s” Have Changed
It might sound silly to get wound up about the way he or even you says “I love you”, but this isn’t as trivial as it might first appear. When we first fall in love with someone, there is real meaning behind our “I love you’s”. They are spoken with a passion and a honesty, and we know they and ourselves are truly in love with one another.
But when a relationship starts to disintegrate, the “I love you’s” change. The tone we use for them alters, and we begin to use them less spontaneously and more predictably. Perhaps you’ll say yours every morning after you wake up, and again before bed. It’s become a habit, and you say “I love you” simply because you’re used to it. But there’s no feel anymore, no sincerity. It’s become routine.
You’ve Started To Imagine A Life Without Him
When you’re in love with your partner, you try very hard not to imagine life without him. Why? Because it would be a very bleak existence. Just the thought of him not being with you is upsetting. However, when the love is fading, we start to fantasise about what life would be like without him – and it actually seems pretty awesome. We’ve got our freedom back, there are no more petty arguments, and we’ve got more money again. If you’ve started to imagine a life without your partner, you may need to question why.
You Don’t Want To Discuss The Future
When couples are madly in love with each other, talking about the future is one of their favourite things to do. “Let’s get a big house together!” “Why don’t we take a 4-week vacation next year?” Such talk is thrilling.
However, when love has removed her roses from a relationship, it seems that no one wants to talk about the future anymore. There is no more talk of getting a new house, no more vacation plans, and no more dreams. And there is definitely no discussions about kids.
Your Life Directions Are Now Different
When you guys first got together, it was partly because you agreed on the direction in life you both wanted to head. You had the same dreams and ambitions. Now, though, it seems that you are both increasingly heading down different paths. You might feel as though you’re still heading to a blissful sunset, while he’s trudging forlornly down a path crowded with thickets. In other words, while you still harbour the same dreams and ambitions, he seems to have lost his zest and is prepared to laze around until something falls in his lap. Or is it the other way around?
You Just Don’t Feel Loved
Are there any bigger signs than this that a relationship is without love? Probably not. If you no longer feel loved, it’s a warning sign that things have changed for the worse.
The Cuddles Are Fewer
Cuddling is a sign of affection and love. You cuddle your partner because you love him, appreciate him, and want to feel his love and protection. Although loveless couples might still cuddle, they don’t do it as often. Instead of wanting to cuddle your partner each time you see him in the morning because he is just so darn cute, you’ve got other things to be getting on with. Instead of cuddling him the bed at night, you just want some space so that you can get a good night’s sleep.
Those Deep, Meaningful Conversations Have Gone Away
Couples who stay together for years don’t stay together on the strength of their “how was your day?” conversations? Sure, they make small talk just like the rest of us. But they also know the value of proper conversation, and they make sure to engage in meaningful conversations. Although guys hate it when you make them pause their zombie video games to have a chat about something that’s on your mind, anyone who loves you will lend you their ear. They’ll be ready to chat meaningfully with you. If, however, all your topics are pretty much vapid and hollow these days, it could be a sign that the flame of love has been extinguished.
You Both Play The Blame Game
If you’re pinning the blame for everything that’s wrong in this relationship while he’s pinning it all on you, it’s a really bad sign. Instead of talking things through and making compromises, you’re instead prepared to just point fingers because you’ve lost the heart to have proper, open conversations.
There Is A Lot Of Nagging And Nitpicking
Sustained nitpicking can really eat away at a relationship. It’s the same when a woodpecker chisels away at timbre. It doesn’t slam away with a hammer so that the timbre falls apart with one blow; instead, it picks and picks until eventually the timbre has been worn away. There is a reason we nitpick, and it’s because our partner is getting on our nerves. All of a sudden, every little thing they do is no longer magic. Instead, it really annoys us. If you’re nitpicking a lot right now and finding fault with everything your partner does, it’s important that you find out why.
The Effort Has Gone
Lastly, perhaps the biggest sign that your relationship is loveless is a lack of effort on either side. No longer are you prepared to put in the emotional work? Instead, you both seem content to let the relationship reach its end without even attempting to work things out. It’s been on a steady decline for months and no one has tried to stop it.